The relationships haven't changed. The boundaries have.

“I'd like to congratulate Linda, my ex-friend…”

That was Karolína Muchová's opening line as she congratulated Linda Nosková after losing the Wimbledon women's final. It was funny, generous and impressive to find warm words for her opponent so soon after losing.

Later that same day, England played Norway in the quarter-final of the men's World Cup. Players who spend much of the year together at Manchester City, Arsenal and Newcastle United found themselves facing each other.

When friends are on opposing sides, the relationships haven't changed. The boundaries have.

It's the same in parish ministry (and in other sectors as well): the same person may be a PCC Secretary on Monday evening, a leading volunteer on Wednesday, a bereaved spouse on Friday, and on Sunday a passionate advocate for the King James Version of the Bible.

They are still the same person. And I am still the same person. What has changed is the relationship between us and, with it, the role I need to inhabit. On Monday I was chairing the PCC; on Wednesday I was a volunteer on their team; on Friday I was curating a fitting farewell; and on Sunday I was holding together competing passions within the journey the church had agreed.

Recognising which hats both people are wearing at any one time is possibly one of the least recognised leadership skills. Get it right and people feel heard, respected and appropriately supported. Get it wrong and relationships become confused, decisions become personalised, and conflict becomes much harder to navigate.

This is a key skill for clergy leading complex parishes, especially where staff are appointed for their knowledge and skill while the leadership that governs them is elected by their peers.

And beneath every one of those hats sits another identity altogether: priest. The challenge is not simply changing hats but discerning what faithful priesthood looks like in each of those very different conversations. That is a very different calling from the one many of us imagined when we were ordained.

If you're leading in a context where people wear many hats, I'd be delighted to help you think that through. Creating space to reflect on roles and boundaries can make all the difference.